As we maintain our exodus out Babylon (Egypt) and her ways, we continuously are met with situations in our lives, that require us to re-examine the mainstream doctrine we’ve been inundated with. The topic of divorce is no exception. Today, we will explore what Yahuah’s Word really says about divorce.
Are divorces allowed? Does Yahuah hate it? Did Messiah Yahusha teach something new in regards to divorce? Are divorcee’s second rate children of Yahuah? Are wives supposed to submit to men, even if they lead them astray? These and many other concepts regarding marriage will be covered in this study.
Let me preface this whole study with this. I believe marriage is a sacred union between man and woman. It’s likeness is born to bear resemblance to our covenant (union) with our creator. Marriage should never be taken lightly, much less divorce which should be the last option available. A true diligence to preserve and maintain the marriage should be upheld at all times. With that being said, let us dive into the Word.
THE TORAH (DEUTERONOMY 24)
“When a man has taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.”
Deuteronomy 24:1-2
The Torah is clear; while it may not be something anyone should want, nor will it be necessarily promoted in this study, it is allowed. We will address Master Yahusha’s words shortly. Nevertheless, we need to explore this word for ‘uncleanness’, which is the basis for a legal divorce, scripturally speaking.
Hebrew word: Erva (Strongs link)
This word was heavily translated as ‘nakedness’. Here are some of the uses:
“Come down, and sit in the dust, O virgin daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground: there is no throne, O daughter of the Chaldeans: for you shall no more be called tender and delicate. Take the millstones, and grind meal: uncover your locks, make bare the leg, uncover the thigh, pass over the rivers. Your nakedness (erva) shall be uncovered, yes, your shame shall be seen: I will take vengeance, and I will not meet thee as a man.”
Isaiah 47:1-3
We know this is speaking of Babylon the great Whore, although, why was she deemed as such a woman, and why was her nakedness (erva) revealed?
“Wherefore, O harlot, hear the Word of Yahuah: Thus says Yahuah Elohim; Because your filthiness was poured out, and your nakedness discovered through your whoredoms with your lovers, and with all the idols of your abominations, and by the blood of your children, which you did give unto them; Behold, therefore I will gather all your lovers, with whom you have taken pleasure, and all them that you have loved, with all them that you have hated; I will even gather them round about against you, and will discover your nakedness unto them, that they may see all your nakedness. And I will judge you, as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy. And I will also give you into their hand, and they shall throw down your eminent place, and shall break down your high places: they shall strip you also of your clothes, and shall take your fair jewels, and leave thee naked and bare.”
Ezekiel 16:35-39
There’s a few things to note here in this passage. First, it is clear that this ‘whoredom’ was in direct consequence to serving idols, or false gods — unlawful worship, also known as spiritual fornication. Furthermore, Yashar’el was deemed ‘naked’ through this unlawful union with the world, which gives us more understanding as to the true implications of a lawful Deuteronomy 24 divorce (uncleanness or nakedness).
“And the man that commits adultery with another man’s wife, even he that commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death”
Leviticus 20:10
Notice the penalty of physical adultery isn’t divorce, it’s death.
NAKEDNESS (SPIRITUALLY)
“For they said unto me, Make us elohim, which shall go before us: for as for this Moses, the man that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we wot not what is become of him. And I said unto them, Whosoever has any gold, let them break it off. So they gave it me: then I cast it into the fire, and there came out this calf. And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies:)”
Exodus 32:23-25
Likewise, we see this revealing of ‘nakedness’ in the transgression of Adam and Eve
“And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.”
Genesis 3:7
Finally, we see this come to fruition through one of the parables taught by Yahusha.
“So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests. And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he saith unto him, Friend, how did you come in here not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
Matthew 22:10-13
The one who was without a garment (naked) was cast out. Once again, this ‘nakedness’ or uncleanness was through transgression or disobedience.
MALACHI 2
“For Yahuah, the Elohim of Yashar’el, says that he hates putting away: for one covers violence with his garment, saith Yahuah Tseba’ot: therefore take heed to your spirit, that you deal not treacherously.”
Malachi 2:16
Does Yahuah hate divorce? Sure he does. He never wanted to divorce Yashar’el, yet he had to. Why? transgressions, spiritual fornication — stiffened necks, not wanting to hearken to his Torah. If divorce is a sin, then Yahuah transgressed; therefore, it cannot be.
“And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Yashar’el committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also. And it came to pass through the lightness of her whoredom, that she defiled the land, and committed adultery with stones and with stocks.”
Jeremiah 3:8-9
Yahuah may hate divorce, yet he had to do it for fornication’s sake (idolatry, spiritual fornication). Also, it is worthy of noting, that the Hebrew word for ‘putting away’ has no association with the word Keritut (divorce). In times past, men (out of the wickedness of their hearts) would send women away without a writing of divorce, making them incapable of remarrying, which the Torah allows (Deut 24:1-2), thus placing them in very difficult situations. This, I imagine, is what Yahuah was truly referencing.
Notwithstanding, a few verses prior, we get a little more information in Malachi 2 and divorce.
“Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Yashar’el and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the holiness of Yahuah which he loved, and has married the daughter of a strange god. Yahuah will cut off the man that does this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offers an offering unto Yahuah Tseba’ot.”
Malachi 2:11-12
Yahuah does not want unions with those who serve foreign gods, as we see even Solomon was led astray though these marriages. This will lead in to what happened in the time of Ezra, during the departure out of Babylon.
EZRA 10
“Now when Ezra had prayed, and when he had confessed, weeping and casting himself down before the house of Elohim, there assembled unto him out of Yashar’el a very great congregation of men and women and children: for the people wept very sore. And Shechaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, answered and said unto Ezra, We have trespassed against our Elohim, and have taken strange wives of the people of the land: yet now there is hope in Israel concerning this thing.
Now therefore let us make a covenant with our Elohim to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my master, and of those that tremble at the commandment of our Elohim; and let it be done according to the Torah.
Arise; for this matter belongs unto you: we also will be with you: be of good courage, and do it. Then arose Ezra, and made the chief priests, the Levites, and all Yashar’el, to swear that they should do according to this word. And they sware.
Then Ezra rose up from before the house of Elohim, and went into the chamber of Johanan the son of Eliashib: and when he came thither, he did eat no bread, nor drink water: for he mourned because of the transgression of them that had been carried away. And they made proclamation throughout Judah and Jerusalem unto all the children of the captivity, that they should gather themselves together unto Jerusalem;
And that whosoever would not come within three days, according to the counsel of the princes and the elders, all his substance should be forfeited, and himself separated from the congregation of those that had been carried away. Then all the men of Judah and Benjamin gathered themselves together unto Jerusalem within three days. It was the ninth month, on the twentieth day of the month; and all the people sat in the street of the house of Elohim, trembling because of this matter, and for the great rain.
And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel. Now therefore make confession unto Yahuah Elohim of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.
Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As you have said, so must we do. But the people are many, and it is a time of much rain, and we are not able to stand without, neither is this a work of one day or two: for we are many that have transgressed in this thing. Let now our rulers of all the congregation stand, and let all them which have taken strange wives in our cities come at appointed times, and with them the elders of every city, and the judges thereof, until the fierce wrath of our Elohim for this matter be turned from us.
Only Jonathan the son of Asahel and Jahaziah the son of Tikvah were employed about this matter: and Meshullam and Shabbethai the Levite helped them. And the children of the captivity did so. And Ezra the priest, with certain chief of the fathers, after the house of their fathers, and all of them by their names, were separated, and sat down in the first day of the tenth month to examine the matter. And they made an end with all the men that had taken strange wives by the first day of the first month. And among the sons of the priests there were found that had taken strange wives: namely, of the sons of Jeshua the son of Jozadak, and his brethren; Maaseiah, and Eliezer, and Jarib, and Gedaliah. And they gave their hands that they would put away their wives; and being guilty, they offered a ram of the flock for their trespass.”
Ezra 10:1-19
While this passage may be hard to bear, this the truth of the matter. We know that through the blood of Messiah, the nations were made clean, ready to walk in the Truth of Elohim, so the race of our spouse if of no concern. Yet, I’m here to say that spiritual fornication and service to strange elohim is still unacceptable in our homes. Oh Yisrael, lay down your idols!
“And Elohim said unto Jacob, Arise, go up to Bethel (house of Elohim), and dwell there: and make there an altar unto Elohim, that appeared unto thee when thou fleddest from the face of Esau thy brother. Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that were with him, Put away the strange gods that are among you, and be clean, and change your garments: And let us arise, and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto Elohim, who answered me in the day of my distress, and was with me in the way which I went.”
Genesis 35:1-3
The time for us to return to the house of Elohim is here — it’s time to clean your homes my brethren.
“Thus says Yahuah, Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement, whom I have put away? or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have you sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away.”
Isaiah 50:1
Just as Yahuah had to divorce Yashar’el because of transgressions (spiritual fornication), so did the people who came out of Babylon.
“Moreover he made high places in the mountains of Judah and caused the inhabitants of Jerusalem to commit fornication, and compelled Judah thereto. And there came a writing to him from Elijah the prophet, saying, Thus says Yahuah Elohim of David your father, Because you have not walked in the ways of Jehoshaphat your father, nor in the ways of Asa king of Judah, But has walked in the way of the kings of Israel, and has made Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem to go a whoring, like to the whoredoms of the house of Ahab, and also has slain your brethren of your father’s house, which were better than yourself:”
2 Chronicles 21:11-13
With this established, now we can truly see what Master Yahusha was teaching.
MATTHEW 19
“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?”
Matthew 19:3
Herein is the context. In every interaction with the Pharisees and/or Saducees, they wanted to trip up Yahusha into transgressing either Yahuah’s, or their law, this is why it said they ‘tempted him’. We saw the same when the woman who was caught in adultery was brought to him for sentencing. She was not stoned, because they had not followed the Torah commandment to bring both the man and woman to be examined, then executed. The Pharisees in this case, wanted Yahusha to openly submit to their added man-made laws for divorce. Here’s a quick snippet from Judaism 101:
“Judaism recognized the concept of “no-fault” divorce thousands of years ago. Judaism has always accepted divorce as a fact of life, albeit an unfortunate one. Judaism generally maintains that it is better for a couple to divorce than to remain together in a state of constant bitterness and strife.
Under Jewish law, a man can divorce a woman for any reason or no reason. The Talmud specifically says that a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he finds another woman more attractive, and the woman’s consent to the divorce is not required.”
As we are truly starting to recognize, messiah Yahusha did not come down to teach a doctrine contrary to the Torah — he came to demolish the man-made precepts that either did away with, or altered the Torah of Yahuah. Divorce was/is one of those topics. Catholicism goes to the opposite end of the spectrum, which is to not allow it — this has crept into protestantism, rendering the divorcee’s as second rate citizens. With this in mind, let’s continue with Matthew 19.
“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore Elohim has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Matthew 19:4-6
As we saw with Ezra 10, those marriages were not from Yahuah, and subsequently, they were ended. Are all marriages today from Yah? Perhaps not, especially those that were joined outside of Yahusha, and Torah.
HARDNESS OF HEART
“They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery:”
Matthew 19:7-9
I can only imagine if we didn’t suffer from any hardness of heart, we wouldn’t have any divorces — neither would we have any thefts, murders, adulteries, lies and so on! Nevertheless, hardness of hearts are present, and truly a root cause of divorce and many other unfortunate matters. Hardness of heart is not limited to matters of divorce.
“For I will take you from among the heathen, and gather you out of all countries, and will bring you into your own land. Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.”
Ezekiel 36:24-27
and
“Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.”
Mark 16:14
We’ve all been taught to interpret Matthew 19 like this; whoever divorces, except for adultery, commits adultery. This doesn’t make sense does it? Especially considering the consequence for physical adultery was death — no need for a divorce. We will build upon this in just a bit. Nevertheless, Yahusha was reinforcing the concepts written in Deuteronomy 24, as we covered earlier.
“Under Jewish law, a man can divorce a woman for any reason or no reason. The Talmud specifically says that a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he finds another woman more attractive, and the woman’s consent to the divorce is not required.”
This is the very doctrine he was wanting to get rid of, and praise Yahuah for that!
MATTHEW 5
“It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away (apaloo) his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement (Apsotasion): But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away (apaloo) his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is put away (apaloo) commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:31-32
Putting away (Apaloo), is a separate act from divorce (Apsotasion). A legal divorce includes two parts, putting away and a letter of divorce.
“When a man has taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.”
Deuteronomy 24:1-2
If one were to put away (Apaloo) his wife, and not give her a bill of divorce (Apsotasion), then she would be in error of adultery if she were to marry another, just as Matthew 5 states. Yahusha wasn’t teaching contrary to Torah, but reinforcing it — breaking down the man-made traditions, much like he did with every other topic.
In those days, men would spite their wives by sending them away without a bill of divorcement, putting them into a position of either remaining desolate, or causing them to commit adultery by remarrying, as it was not easy for a woman to survive on her own back then.
Furthermore, it is interesting to note, that the Hebrew Gospel of Matthew completely omits the part about putting away and remarriage. (reference)
Let’s look at some uses for Apaloo (put away), showing clearly it doesn’t mean divorce, but to be sent away.
“But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away (apaloo); for she cries after us”
Matthew 15:23
Did the disciples want to divorce the woman, or send her away?
“Now at that feast the governor was wont to release unto the people a prisoner, whom they would. And they had then a notable prisoner, called Barabbas. Therefore when they were gathered together, Pilate said unto them, Whom will ye that I release unto you? Barabbas, or Yahusha which is called Messiah?”
Matthew 27:15-17
Once again, this word is not the same as divorce, but to be sent away. Perhaps now we can better understand why the Pharisees were ‘tempting’ him.
“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?”
Matthew 19:3
Praise Yahuah through his Word Yahusha, who loves women and wanted to restore the truth and to preserve women in the case of divorce.
EXCEPT FOR FORNICATION
“But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away (apaloo) his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is put away (apaloo) commits adultery.”
Matthew 5:32
Truly, if one were to marry a woman that was put away without a writing of divorce, it would be an act of adultery. The two steps make it a legal end of contract. This scenario was put forth before Yahusha in a desire to tempt him into transgression.
When we look at the Greek word used in Matthew 5 for fornication (porneia), we can cross reference how it was used in the Greek Septuagint (Old Testament). Nearly every time porneia was used, it was in reference to impure worship, false images, idolatry and paganism. Here’s a passage that will make things pretty clear.
“Son of man, there were two women, the daughters of one mother: And they committed whoredoms in Egypt; they committed whoredoms in their youth: there were their breasts pressed, and there they bruised the teats of their virginity. And the names of them were Aholah the elder, and Aholibah her sister: and they were mine, and they bare sons and daughters. Thus were their names; Samaria is Aholah, and Jerusalem Aholibah. And Aholah played the harlot when she was mine; and she doted on her lovers, on the Assyrians her neighbours,Which were clothed with blue, captains and rulers, all of them desirable young men, horsemen riding upon horses. Thus she committed her whoredoms with them, with all them that were the chosen men of Assyria, and with all on whom she doted: with all their idols she defiled herself. Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay with her, and they bruised the breasts of her virginity, and poured their whoredom upon her.
Wherefore I have delivered her into the hand of her lovers, into the hand of the Assyrians, upon whom she doted.These discovered her nakedness: they took her sons and her daughters, and slew her with the sword: and she became famous among women; for they had executed judgment upon her. And when her sister Aholibah saw this, she was more corrupt in her inordinate love than she, and in her whoredoms more than her sister in her whoredoms. She doted upon the Assyrians her neighbours, captains and rulers clothed most gorgeously, horsemen riding upon horses, all of them desirable young men. Then I saw that she was defiled, that they took both one way, And that she increased her whoredoms: for when she saw men pourtrayed upon the wall, the images of the Chaldeans pourtrayed with vermilion, Girded with girdles upon their loins, exceeding in dyed attire upon their heads, all of them princes to look to, after the manner of the Babylonians of Chaldea, the land of their nativity:
And as soon as she saw them with her eyes, she doted upon them, and sent messengers unto them into Chaldea. And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoredom, and she was polluted with them, and her mind was alienated from them. So she discovered her whoredoms, and discovered her nakedness: then my mind was alienated from her, like as my mind was alienated from her sister.Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt. For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
Thus you called to remembrance the lewdness of your youth, in bruising your teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth. Therefore, O Aholibah, thus says Yahuah Elohim; Behold, I will raise up your lovers against you, from whom your mind is alienated, and I will bring them against thee on every side;
The Babylonians, and all the Chaldeans, Pekod, and Shoa, and Koa, and all the Assyrians with them: all of them desirable young men, captains and rulers, great lords and renowned, all of them riding upon horses. And they shall come against you with chariots, wagons, and wheels, and with an assembly of people, which shall set against you buckler and shield and helmet round about: and I will set judgment before them, and they shall judge you according to their judgments. And I will set my jealousy against you, and they shall deal furiously with you: they shall take away your nose and your ears; and your remnant shall fall by the sword: they shall take your sons and thy daughters; and your residue shall be devoured by the fire. They shall also strip thee out of thy clothes (nakedness/uncleanness), and take away your fair jewels. Thus will I make your lewdness to cease from you, and your whoredom brought from the land of Egypt: so that you shalt not lift up thine eyes unto them, nor remember Egypt any more. For thus says Yahuah Elohim; Behold, I will deliver you into the hand of them whom you hate, into the hand of them from whom your mind is alienated:
And they shall deal with you hatefully, and shall take away all your labor, and shall leave you naked and bare: and the nakedness of thy whoredoms shall be discovered, both thy lewdness and your whoredoms. I will do these things unto thee, because you have gone a whoring after the heathen, and because you are polluted with their idols.”
Ezekiel 23:1-29
Brothers and sisters, I do not believe Yahuah wants us to sit idly while joined to those who still practice spiritual fornication. We are to stand for Yahuah’s Truth, in patience, love and meekness. The last thing on earth we should do, is bear bad fruit within the home.
“Strive for the Truth unto death, and Yahuah will fight for you.”
Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 4:28
I believe with what we have studied thus far, we can better understand what Paul was saying here:
1st CORINTHIANS
“Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Mashiach? shall I then take the members of Mashiach, and make them the members of an harlot? Elohim forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto Yahuah is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Ruach Ha’Qodesh? which is in you, which ye have of Elohim, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify Elohim in your body, and in your spirit, which are Elohim’s.”
1 Corinthians 6:15-20
Brothers, how can we be joined to a spouse who continues in idolatry, paganism and other forms of fornication? Am I encouraging everyone to go and get divorced? Hardly, what I am encouraging is to stand up for the Truth, and let Yahuah show you what is to transpire. Perhaps your spouse has been waiting for your boldness? Sometimes Yahuah may be just testing us, seeing if we’re willing to give it all up for him, then he delivers. Think Abraham. Notwithstanding, a happy ending with your marriage may not always be the end result.
“And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.”
Matthew 19:29
This only applies if they are standing in the way of serving Elohim, not just tossing them to the side for any cause like the Pharisees did. Our spouses are our closest neighbors after all!
TIME
“And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.”
Revelation 2:21
I do believe we should have love, compassion and meekness as we share the truth with our spouses. Also, we should give space (time) for them to repent. What kind of time frame? Only Yahuah knows, and I’m sure each situation is different, this is hardly a one size fits all topic.
1 Corinthians 7
“But to the rest speak I, not Yahuah: If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.”
1 Cor 7:12
We must acknowledge that Paul openly admits this whole passage is from him (his opinion), and not directly to Yahuah. Even so, this is predicated on the woman being pleased to dwell with him. We must realize, they need to be pleased with us and how we run the home. If we make a stand for truth, throwing out the Christmas tree and all forms of false worship and they are in unison with this, then praise Yah, even if they remain in unbelief. If they resist the changes we must make in the home, then they are not ‘pleased to dwell with us’, which leads to other scenarios.
“And the woman which has an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.”
1 Cor 7:13-14
We will discuss the position of the wife towards the end of this study. It’s worthy to note these passages in 1st Corinthians 7 are discussing unbelieving, not fornicating, or disobedient spouses.
“But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but Elohim has called us to peace.”
1 Cor 7:15
We need to make the necessary changes in our homes and take the stand. If this sets a divorce in motion, then this is the will of Yahuah — remember Ezra 10. We must approach these things with love, meekness and humility.
“And the servant of the Yahuah must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if Elohim peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will”
2 Timothy 2:24-26
The last thing on earth I want from this study, is for people to go straight for divorces. Again, each home has its uniqueness, and each situation is different. If you haven’t prayed and fasted for your spouse, it’s time.
YAHUAH ABOVE ALL ELSE
“He that loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
Matthew 10:37
And
“If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.”
Luke 14:26
Perhaps ‘hate’, can be better understood as loving more than him. We cannot love our spouses and children more than Yahuah. Therefore we cannot tolerate compromise in our homes when it comes to serving Yahuah. Who are you more worried about disobeying, Yahuah, or your spouse?
“The fear of Yahuah is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Proverbs 1:7
If we place our spouses above Yahuah, who are we serving?
SIRACH 25
I had rather dwell with a lion and a dragon, than to keep house with a wicked woman. The wickedness of a woman changes her face, and darkens her countenance like sackcloth. Her man shall sit among his neighbors; and when he hears it shall sigh bitterly. All wickedness is but little to the wickedness of a woman: let the portion of a sinner fall upon her. As the climbing up a sandy way is to the feet of the aged, so is a woman full of words to a quiet man. Stumble not at the beauty of a woman, and desire her not for pleasure. A woman, if she maintain her man, is full of anger, impudence, and much reproach. A wicked woman abates the courage, makes a heavy countenance and a wounded heart: a woman that will not comfort her man in distress makes weak hands and feeble knees. Of the woman came the beginning of sin, and through her we all die. Give the water no passage; neither a wicked woman liberty to gad abroad. If she go not as you would have her, cut her off from your flesh, and give her a bill of divorce, and let her go.”
SIRACH (ECCLESIASTICUS) 25:16-26
ABRAHAM, YISHMAEL & THE TENT PEG
“And Abraham rode upon one of his camels to the wilderness to seek his son Ishmael, for he heard that he was dwelling in a tent in the wilderness with all belonging to him. And Abraham went to the wilderness, and he reached the tent of Ishmael about noon, and he asked after Ishmael, and he found the wife of Ishmael sitting in the tent with her children, and Ishmael her husband and his mother were not with them. And Abraham asked the wife of Ishmael, saying, Where has Ishmael gone? and she said, He has gone to the field to hunt, and Abraham was still mounted upon the camel, for he would not get off to the ground as he had sworn to his wife Sarah that he would not get off from the camel.
And Abraham said to Ishmael’s wife, My daughter, give me a little water that I may drink, for I am fatigued from the journey. And Ishmael’s wife answered and said to Abraham, We have neither water nor bread, and she continued sitting in the tent and did not notice Abraham, neither did she ask him who he was. But she was beating her children in the tent, and she was cursing them, and she also cursed her husband Ishmael and reproached him, and Abraham heard the words of Ishmael’s wife to her children, and he was very angry and displeased. And Abraham called to the woman to come out to him from the tent, and the woman came and stood opposite to Abraham, for Abraham was still mounted upon the camel.
And Abraham said to Ishmael’s wife, When thy husband Ishmael returns home say these words to him, A very old man from the land of the Philistines came hither to seek thee, and thus was his appearance and figure; I did not ask him who he was, and seeing thou wast not here he spoke unto me and said, When Ishmael thy husband returns tell him thus did this man say, When thou comes home put away this nail of the tent which thou hast placed here, and place another nail in its stead. And Abraham finished his instructions to the woman, and he turned and went off on the camel homeward. And after that Ishmael came from the chase he and his mother, and returned to the tent, and his wife spoke these words to him,
A very old man from the land of the Philistines came to seek thee, and thus was his appearance and figure; I did not ask him who he was, and seeing thou wast not at home he said to me, When thy husband comes home tell him, thus saith the old man, Put away the nail of the tent which thou hast placed here and place another nail in its stead. And Ishmael heard the words of his wife, and he knew that it was his father, and that his wife did not honor him. And Ishmael understood his father’s words that he had spoken to his wife, and Ishmael hearkened to the voice of his father, and Ishmael cast off that woman and she went away.
And Ishmael afterward went to the land of Canaan, and he took another wife and he brought her to his tent to the place where he then dwelt. And at the end of three years Abraham said, I will go again and see Ishmael my son, for I have not seen him for a long time. And he rode upon his camel and went to the wilderness, and he reached the tent of Ishmael about noon. And he asked after Ishmael, and his wife came out of the tent and she said, He is not here my master, for he has gone to hunt in the fields, and to feed the camels, and the woman said to Abraham, Turn in my master into the tent, and eat a morsel of bread, for thy soul must be wearied on account of the journey.
And Abraham said to her, I will not stop for I am in haste to continue my journey, but give me a little water to drink, for I have thirst; and the woman hastened and ran into the tent and she brought out water and bread to Abraham, which she placed before him and she urged him to eat, and he ate and drank and his heart was comforted and he blessed his son Ishmael. And he finished his meal and he blessed Yahuah, and he said to Ishmael’s wife, When Ishmael comes home say these words to him,
A very old man from the land of the Philistines came hither and asked after thee, and thou wast not here; and I brought him out bread and water and he ate and drank and his heart was comforted. And he spoke these words to me: When Ishmael thy husband comes home, say unto him, The nail of the tent which thou hast is very good, do not put it away from the tent. And Abraham finished commanding the woman, and he rode off to his home to the land of the Philistines; and when Ishmael came to his tent his wife went forth to meet him with joy and a cheerful heart.
And she said to him, An old man came here from the land of the Philistines and thus was his appearance, and he asked after thee and thou wast not here, so I brought out bread and water, and he ate and drank and his heart was comforted. And he spoke these words to me, When Ishmael thy husband comes home say to him, The nail of the tent which thou hast is very good, do not put it away from the tent. And Ishmael knew that it was his father, and that his wife had honored him, and Yahuah blessed Ishmael.”
Yashar 21:23-48
While Yahuah may hate divorce, and so should we, it is allowed per the Torah, especially when unrighteousness and spiritual fornication is involved. As always, take these matters to Yahuah directly.
WOMEN
As you’ve probably noticed, this study has been primarily viewed from the male perspective. I’d like to mention a few things regarding women with unbelieving or fornicating husbands. Let’s go back to Deuteronomy 24:
“When a man has taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he has found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.”
Deuteronomy 24:1-2
Let’s be frank with each other, it doesn’t give provision for a wife to ‘put away’ and divorce the husband. However, we do see Yahusha acknowledging that it happens here:
“And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery.”
Mark 10:12
Now, does that mean that Yahusha gives permission for a woman to divorce her husband? That’s not how the text reads, but it is interesting, and worthy of notation. Let’s also go back to 1st Corinthians 7.
“And the woman which has an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.”
1 Cor 7:13-14
We’ll discuss submission momentarily, but I’m here to say that I believe women are called to stand for the truth in their homes, just as men are. We saw how Yahuah rose up Deborah (a woman) in the midst of Yashar’El, when the men wouldn’t do so. Could this apply when the man isn’t leading the home as he should? Remember, patience, spirit and truth as you stand for what is right; if your fruit is rotten, your efforts will produce the wrong results.
The role of the man is to be the leader and headship of the home. The problem is, the enemy has doing his job well, of distorting everything. We have masculinized females, and feminized males. Much like how Paul stated this was his opinion, so will this be from me. If the man is not aligned with Yahuah, I do believe the woman is to temporarily take the spiritual charge of the home, being a good example to her husband and children.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;”
1 Peter 3:1
SUBMISSION TO HUSBANDS
In all honesty, I do believe that many women have room to mature in this area. We grew up in mindset and culture that is far removed from the scriptural model. With this, comes an imbalance within the home. Here’s a fact; when there are two, one will naturally be the leader. Yahuah has designated the man for this role.
“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
Genesis 3:16
and
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of Elohim. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto Yahuah. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Messiah is the head of the assembly: and he is the savior of the body.”
Ephesians 5:21-23
Let’s break this down for a moment. Before the woman is called to be in subjection to her husband, we see a call to be submitted to one another. Do we submit to someone walking in opposition to the Truth of Yahuah? Hardly. Next, we see the call for women to submit to their husbands, as we do to Yahuah. We can fully submit to Yahuah be because we can trust him — he is the Truth. How can we fully submit ourselves to one who is walking contrary to Elohim? Messiah says it best:
“Then spake Yahusha to the multitude, and to his disciples, Saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not. For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.”
Matthew 23:1-4
Undoubtedly, these Pharisees and Sadducees were the rulers of Israel at this time, and Yahusha instructed them to obey them in matters of Torah. However, we see he does not encourage full submission when one is teaching, or leading in error. How much more, when a husband is improperly leading the home? The woman is not some second rate creature that doesn’t deserve to walk fully in Yahuah’s ways.
So what exactly am I saying here? Am I encouraging a woman to rise up against her husband? Hardly so. What I’m encouraging is the same Yahusha did to his disciples. Obey authority (the man), except in matters contrary to serving Yahuah. For example; if a husband commanded his wife to partake in pork, I would recommend she remain firm in saying no. Likewise, if he were to forbid her to attend a Shabbat gathering, I would also recommend she remain firm, and do so in meekness and humility.
Women need to be that proverbs 31 wife, who cherishes and serves her husband with all reverence, doing as he asks, except in transgressing Yahuah. We see parallel stories with Daniel, Azariah, Hananniah and Mishael. They were to be in subjection (submission) to Babylon, and they were in all matters, except in transgression to Yahuah, with this, they stood firm in humility, and Yahuah delivered.
“Strive for the Truth unto death, and Yahuah will fight for you.”
Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 4:28
TRUE SUBMISSION
True leaders don’t need to let everyone know they are the leader, in a similar fashion, true submission is easily obtained when the man operating in his true order.
“Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Yahuah’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. For so is the will of Elohim, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:”
1 Peter 2:13-15
Herein we get a solid context for ‘submission’. Ask yourself this question, do we submit to every ordinance of the government? What if they require us to break Torah? What if they require the V? (NO WAY!) Certainly, we are in Egypt again, and their rules must be followed, much like what we just mentioned with Daniel, Azariah, Hananiah and Mishael in Babylon. Were they law abiding citizens? Absolutely, they even ruled in the kingdom. Again, however, when it came to matters that would put them in transgression of Yahuah’s ways, they did not submit, even putting themselves in situations that would bring death.
“And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, Saying, Did not we straightly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man’s blood upon us. Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey Elohim rather than men.”
Acts 5:27-29
This, is what I’m led to share. The woman is undoubtedly to be in submission to her husband, just as men were in subjection to the ruling authorities, except when matters of transgressions arose. I believe we can apply this as a parable to a home with a woman unequally yoked to an unbelieving spouse. Here’s the key; she needs to be a shining light in the home, not contentious, nor full of strife, but love — with the intentions of winning her husband over to the truth, then giving him ample room to take the lead back spiritually. This should be the goal at all times, not to usurp what is his.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives”
1 Peter 3:1
Considering this chapter started with ‘likewise’, we must make mention that 1 Peter 2:18-25 spoke about messiah Yahusha being obedient, even when he was punished for doing well.
Let’s take a look at the Greek word used for ‘conversation’ (anastrophe)
This word isn’t just about conversation, it’s about behavior, walking in the Way. Here’s a few more examples of how this word was used.
“Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.”
James 3:13
Truly, through the good works of the wife, the husband might come to the truth.
“As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.”
1 Peter 1:14-16
Certainly, this word portrays obedience.
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (obedience) of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation (obedience) coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Elohim of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in Elohim, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him master: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
1 Peter 3:1-7
Women, if you are in this predicament, of having a husband who will not lead the home in righteousness, then I do believe you are to stand your ground for walking in the Truth. It must be done in meekness and humility, not breaking down your husband, but building him up. Praying, fasting, supplicating to Yahuah to open his eyes, that he may be restored as you are. Your goal should be for him to rightfully take the seat of honor in the home, not to usurp it for yourself, for this is not the plan of Yahuah for the home. Nevertheless, when things get out of order, steps need to be taken. We have two witnesses of women who did not obey their husbands when they were in transgression to Yahuah, and were rewarded for doing so.
ABIGAIL
Synopsis: Nabal, an unrighteous man makes a decision (contrary to Torah), Abigail disregards his decree and takes care of David and his people, saving her whole household. Nabal dies 10 days later and she is rewarded by David taking her to wife.
ZIPPORAH
“And Moses rose up to go to Egypt, and he took his wife and sons with him, and he was at an inn in the road, and an angel of Elohim came down, and sought an occasion against him. And he wished to kill him on account of his first born son, because he had not circumcised him, and had transgressed the covenant which Yahuah had made with Abraham. For Moses had hearkened to the words of his father-in-law which he had spoken to him, not to circumcise his first born son, therefore he circumcised him not. And Zipporah saw the angel of Yahuah seeking an occasion against Moses, and she knew that this thing was owing to his not having circumcised her son Gershom. And Zipporah hastened and took of the sharp rock stones that were there, and she circumcised her son, and delivered her husband and her son from the hand of the angel of Yahuah.”
Jasher 79:8-12
Zipporah disregarded Moses’ command to not circumcize Gershom, as she knew it was contrary to the Torah of Yahuah. She saved her household by her obedience to Yahuah.
“For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save your husband? or how do you know, O man, whether you shall save your wife?”
1 Corinthians 7:16
For those of you in these types of situations, it isn’t, and won’t be easy, nevertheless may Yahuah be with you as you remain a shining light in your home, being the example to your husband and children, even if it is operated like Babylon.
“For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done.”
Matthew 16:27
May Yahuah bless you and keep you,
Yahuah make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you,
Yahuah lift up his countenance, and give you Shalom (Peace).
Numbers 6:24-26
